Many of us have day-to-day lives that can be quite complicated for a variety of reasons. Things such as job/career, children/grandchildren, lifestyle, and activities can be parts of our lives that require a great deal of our time, energy, and focus. For example, does your job/career necessitate that you work long hours beyond the normal Mon. – Fri., 40 hour week or maybe travel extensively? Does caring for your children and/or their activities take up a large amount of your free time? Do you have activities of your own that may be considered ”different” or even unique? These are just a few of the valid reasons that may place limitations on who you should search for or who might be available to you.
I once met a wonderful lady through an Internet dating site that I liked right from the beginning. We were immediately attracted to one another when we met in person. There was no doubt we enjoyed each other’s company, shared many similar interests, and had great conversations. It wasn’t too long before I was thinking “long-term”. It also wasn’t too long before there were difficulties. This lady was the mother of 3 children and a grandmother. She had a close, tight relationship with all of her kids and grandkids. Problems arose because in being single, she had made herself ”available” 24/7 for her children to drop off the grandkids whenever they wanted. Her kids, living nearby, became accustomed to this and frequently took advantage of it. I remember one instance, while we were on the phone, the grandkids had been dropped off while her kids went to the local convenience store. The convenience store must not have been all that convenient because it wasn’t until the next afternoon that the kids came and picked up her grandkids. This type of thing went on constantly. We had 2 ”scheduled” dates that she cancelled at the last minute because she had to babysit. At the same time, she admitted to not being happy about this and complained to me. The real irony was when she told me that her kids were always encouraging her to date more. I politely suggested she lay out some “ground rules” for her babysitting services and she agreed. Sadly, nothing changed and I was “dumped” after I was mildly annoyed that scheduled date #3 was cancelled at the last minute. I was told, “You don’t understand”.
Here’s the simple point I want to make: Meeting someone from an Internet dating site is vastly different than the “conventional” or “traditional” way that we are accustomed to for meeting people. In the traditional way, it may be someone you have familiarity with through something like school, job, socially, or an activity. You would have already been “face-to-face” (and feel if there is “chemistry”), have the opportunity to know things about them, and what goes on in their life beforehand. You may already have some important things in common. If there is mutual attraction, it gives you the chance to decide whether you’d like to pursue something beyond whatever relationship you already have with them.
With Internet dating, in essence you are meeting someone “cold”, regardless of their pictures and what their profile narrative tells you. You can almost compare it to a “blind date” with just a bit more information. For instance, the lady I wrote about had nothing in her profile that said, “My life is completely dominated by my kids and grandchildren”. Had we known each other in a traditional way, I might have backed off in wanting to date her. I would have already known she has limited availibility and little, if any time to cultivate or nurture a new relationship with someone. Meeting someone new from an Internet dating site, in hopes of creating a relationship, may require that you alter your priorities and leave some “space” to make quality time for this person. In other words, what are you willing to do to make each other’s lives fit together?
Take these steps ahead of time to simplify a big part of the Internet dating process. Narrow down what is most important for you and how you will leave room for a new person to enter your life.
1 – Examine, analyze, and prioritize your daily life. Start with the most important things. It’s understood that children and job will be at the top of anyone’s list. After that, what can you do to be more available?
2 – Prioritize your personal activities. Do you work out at the gym 5 days per week? Do you socialize with friends several nights per week? Do you keep telling yourself, “I’m just too busy to meet someone new”, while at the same time wishing you didn’t feel so lonely and constantly checking the dating website for any new contacts? Decide where you can “cut back” to allow quality time for dating.
3 – Appear flexible and open-minded. The person of your dreams could be just one “click” away. Anyone worth meeting is not going to try and change your life. If anything, they will want to enhance it and make both of your lives “mesh” together. They will also be flexible and open-minded. Great relationships are not about what you do. They are about the time you spend together.
The most significant reasons the best relationships exist and are happy is because the partners have developed activities or common interests together, make time for one another, and make the relationship a priority.
"I look forward to reading and responding to all of your remarks, comments, and questions. I truly enjoy helping people and hope you will share your experiences. Meeting someone new and dating should be an exhilarating, enjoyable, pleasant experience and a lot of fun!"
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