Here is how the word “chemistry” is defined when it relates to humans and relationships: a strong mutual attraction or attachment, and an interaction between people working together; specifically: such interaction when harmonious or effective (in other words, when people have a strong connection or bond with one another, you can say they have “chemistry”).
Humans are equipped with a powerful instinct for selecting what we believe are suitable mates. It’s a “mechanism” in our brain that dates all the way back to our prehistoric ancestors. Science believes that it’s initial purpose was to instantly separate friends from enemies (the key word to keep in mind here is “instantly”). Over thousands of years this instinct has evolved into something a bit more refined, and goes beyond a simple “black or white”/friends versus enemies. It’s always active and functions like a type of “radar” to the point you might consider it a “sixth sense”. It performs at it’s highest level whenever we come in contact with someone new and evaluating whether there is potential for some type of relationship. But, we have little in the way of “control” over it, nor can we seem to circumvent it’s effect. It would appear that when we meet someone for the first time, this attraction mechanism is either “triggered” or it’s not. It’s vitally important for you to remember this and how it will effect you and the people you meet when utilizing Internet dating sites.
In my personal experiences, and conversations with others using Internet dating sites, here’s why this may be the most frustrating aspect of the process. The sites allow you to see many pictures and written profiles that will attract and interest you. When your attraction to someone in particular is strong enough you would notify this person of your interest through the site. If they share that interest and attraction you would get a positive response and begin communicating. During this stage of communication, it is quite easy to become excited and perhaps even aroused by the other person. It usually doesn’t take long to know if there is potential for a “connection” and a desire to meet in person. You can certainly begin to feel like you have met the “one”. Usually, the next step is arranging a first date. This “moment of truth” is what will determine whether you are going forward together or even if there will be a second date. What can frequently happen, through no one’s fault, is that upon meeting face-to-face for the first time the attraction mechanism in our brain is not triggered in one of you or both. It can be downright heartbreaking after having spent all the time communicating with each other in advance, finding that you have so many things in common, feeling there is some form of a connection, to only then discover in person there is no physical attraction (chemistry) whatsoever.
To illustrate this point, allow me to pass along one of my own experiences. I was contacted by a very lovely lady through one of the Internet dating sites I use. I was instantly attracted to her pictures and truly liked how she described herself in her profile. We began communicating and seemed to “hit it off” right from the start. We shared many common interests and feelings/opinions about a variety of topics. The more we communicated the more I felt as if I had met the “one”, and she would make statements that indicated the feeling was mutual. We both agreed that we should meet in person as soon as we could arrange it. There was some difficulty due to a distance factor and scheduling conflicts. After almost two months, we were finally able to set up our first meeting. We decided on a location roughly half-way between where we both lived. I arrived ahead of her and anxiously awaited to see her in person for the first time. Once she arrived, and I was able to see her, I was immediately “smitten”. Unfortunately, I was the only one. I could tell instantly, as we made our first eye contact, the feeling was not mutual nor was it going to be. We both had great expectations that just didn’t happen. To her credit she was very polite, cordial, and gracious. She insisted we go inside to have a drink together, but her eye contact (or lack of it), facial expressions, and body language all indicated how uncomfortable she was. The bottom line is that while I was absolutely feeling “chemistry”, she was not “feeling it” at all. I don’t know which one of us was more disappointed.
Here is what is most important for you to keep in mind. Internet dating sites would like you to believe that their individual methods for matching you with someone are all you will need to find that person of your dreams. You can quite easily become enamored and even excited by each other’s pictures, written profile, and the communications you share ahead of that initial meeting. While they can match you with someone in a variety of ways, it will still come down to what you feel at that precise moment you meet someone face-to-face for the first time. “Chemistry” between two people before meeting in person is totally unpredictable and there is simply no way of knowing in advance of meeting in person whether or not you will “click”.
Here are some points about chemistry, as it relates to Internet dating, to keep in mind during your journey:
1 – Chemistry between two people is the most elusive element of Internet dating. There is no foolproof method for knowing whether you will have chemistry with someone in advance, contrary to your communications or the advertising of any Internet dating website.
2 - If there is mutual interest, minimize your communications ahead of meeting in person. It’s far too easy to become excited, enamored, or even aroused by someone when communicating by the Internet or phone. If there is indeed mutual interest make arrangements to meet in person as soon as possible.
3 – Understand that the human brain is “hardwired” with an attraction mechanism. It can be incredibly frustrating to feel like you have found that special “one” only to discover there is no physical attraction upon meeting in person. Because of this you may have many “one and done” first dates. Do your best to keep this from discouraging you. Internet dating sites are full of wonderful prospects and the next one you meet may be the one that fulfills all of your hopes, wishes, and dreams!
"I look forward to reading and responding to all of your remarks, comments, and questions. I truly enjoy helping people and hope you will share your experiences. Meeting someone new and dating should be an exhilarating, enjoyable, pleasant experience and a lot of fun!"
No comments:
Post a Comment