The MTV production of "Catfish" is back for season #2. (For those of you who may not be familiar with this show, it's premise is finding people that are using online dating and/or social networking websites in the pursuit of romance and a long-term relationship. The show "follows" someone as they communicate with a person they believe is sincere, looking for the same thing, have established a "connection", and taking the steps to ultimately meet in person. The ending of each episode follows what happens when the the two people meet face-to-face for the first time and it's revealed the "other" person is a fake, fraud, or some type of impostor.) This show has become very popular as we get to watch someone experience their shock, disappointment, and heartbreak at the moment they realize they have been scammed. It seems we will never get tired of watching train wrecks, someone get a pie in the face, smoke an exploding cigar, or get squirted with water.The premiere episode of the second season features a lovely young lady named "Cassie". Cassie had had some tragic experiences in her life. The worst of these was her father had recently been murdered in Haiti. Her way of coping/dealing with this was to throw herself into the party scene. Her best friend "Gladys" became very concerned. Unbeknownst to Cassie, Gladys "created" someone named "Steven" (disguised as a professional musician) to appear on Cassie's Facebook and communicate with her. Gladys' intention was to help Cassie work her way through her traumatic experience and get her life back to normal. As this online "relationship" evolved and a male voice was needed for phone calls and audio chats, Gladys went so far as to recruit her cousin "Tony" to play the part of Steven. In other words, Gladys would be the online Steven and Tony would be the phone/audio Steven. It's apparent this all worked better than Gladys expected as Cassie began getting her life back together. What I don't believe Gladys anticipated was that Cassie would fall in love with Steven and they would become "engaged". Yes, engaged. Amazingly, with only still pictures and no video communication whatsoever, this online "engagement" lasted more than two years, supposedly due to Steven's too busy schedule of touring and writing, before a face-to-face meeting could finally be arranged. The producers of the show investigated Steven and revealed his true identity to Cassie. What you see at the end of the show is Cassie's confrontation with Gladys.
I truly sympathize with Cassie and the immeasurable pain she felt with the terrible loss of her father. I'd also like to believe that Gladys had nothing but the best of intentions when she created "Steven" to nurture Cassie and hopefully alleviate her pain and suffering. But I certainly don't believe creating a fake "love interest" was the way to go. Situations like Cassie's are best left to true professionals who are trained in grief counseling. As her best friend, Gladys should have suggested this even if it became necessary for her to say, "I'll go with you".
I do take a bit of exception with the whole "Catfish" thing TV show. I understand there is more entertainment value in watching human failings and that happy endings only work for Walt Disney movies. I also realize watching a wedding video (unless the bride has a dress malfunction or the groom trips at the altar) isn't nearly as entertaining as seeing the horror on someone's face when, for example, they meet a woman who is supposed to be a guy. "Happily ever after" just isn't as much fun to watch. But the real truth about online dating sites is that polls and statistics indicate more long-term relationships and marriages are being created every day with their use. They continue to grow and flourish, and Internet sites are now the most popular way to meet new people. The stigmas associated with them have mostly disappeared, the sites are becoming evermore sophisticated, and they continue taking steps to try and eliminate various frauds and scams. The sites are also becoming much less tolerant of disrespectful or improper behavior, as evidenced by the serious changes made to the website PlentyofFish.com (to view the email notification sent to all of it's users: http://letsmeetourmatch.com/pof-takes-a-stand/).
While Gladys' heart may have been in the right place, should she have carried on her deception of Cassie for more than TWO years?
Here are some important steps to follow so you can have a more pleasant and happier experience:
1 - Let your instincts and common sense rule the day. It's not at all difficult to feel that you have somehow created a "connection" with someone that you only know through an online dating/social networking website. The best preventative steps you can take is listening to that little voice that says, "Let's slow down for a minute before we go leaping off this cliff". The moment you have any question or sense a tinge of doubt about someone's validity, honesty, integrity, or sincerity is your brain's way of trying to protect you.
2 - Emotions and common sense mix like oil and water. In other words, they don't. Taking a moment to analyze something before reacting, or making any kind of choice or decision, doesn't guarantee you will always make the best or right one. But at the very least you will be choosing what you perceive to be the best option. This is the type of advice most often given by analysts/psychologists/psychiatrists. How many times have all of us regretted the outcome of a choice or decision because we allowed our emotions to dictate the moment and didn't think something through more clearly? Searching for love and romance (one of our strongest, deepest, and most powerful emotions) and then believing you have found it, before staying in control and taking the time to meet someone in person can have sad, disappointing, or even tragic results.
3 - "Red flags" aren't that difficult to detect. The most glaring one is any kind of hesitation when it comes to meeting you in person. If the person you are in communication with is swearing their undying love and devotion to you, along with promising you the moon and the stars, then meeting you in person should be an automatic. I know if I sense an attraction to someone and there is a real possibility of making a "connection", the only thing I'm thinking is how soon can I meet her? This is the ultimate goal for using online dating sites and should be your mindset, as well. Don't allow a continuous stream of excuses or alibis as this can be a strong signal that something's not right.
4 - Pictures aren't enough. While I have discussed several times how vital pictures are on your profile, they're certainly not the be-all, end-all for determining physical attraction (chemistry) or if there will be a real connection. This can only be done by meeting each other in person and spending some quality time together. Pictures on a dating profile perform much the same way as a sales brochure or pamphlet. It's only in the physical presence of someone or something that allows our instincts and human senses to fully function as they should.
“I look forward to reading and responding to all of your remarks, comments, and questions. I truly enjoy helping people and hope you will share your experiences. Meeting someone new and dating should be an exhilarating, enjoyable, pleasant experience and a lot of fun!”
Christopher T. Smith is an online dating consultant and the author of Let’s Meet Our Match – Your Complete Guide to Success in the World of Internet Dating. His book shares many of the experiences he has had as an actual user of Internet dating sites. His valuable expertise and advice has helped many people overcome the difficulties of online dating to have a more pleasant, happier, and stress-free experience. To learn more about Christopher and the book, you can visit his website: LetsMeetOurMatch.com
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