When I am asked for advice, guidance, or suggestions in my role as an Internet dating consultant/advisor, one of the first things I like to do is review someone's entire online dating site profile. Besides looking at their selection of pictures and how they have "filled in the blanks" by utilizing the various formatted options, I am most interested in seeing and reading their profile narrative. I never cease to be amazed at how far too frequently I read profiles that are more focused on trying to prevent contact then they are on welcoming it. When I read one like that, it immediately evokes an image of a security gate and I need to have the right code in order for the gate to open. Obviously, this is what someone is attempting to do when they create that type of profile narrative. I completely get the idea of "security" and/or "prevention". I then discuss with this person that writing something along these lines could be preventing more than just UNwanted contacts. Quite often their response is something like, "It doesn't seem to stop me from getting too many unwanted ones anyway". It's at this point I usually like to ask Dr. Phil's favorite question: "So, how's that workin' for you?"What also may factor into someone's thinking, when writing that type of profile narrative, is that it could be a way to cut down the amount of time they need to spend utilizing online dating sites. One of the major complaints about dating sites is that using them can be so time-consuming. I realize we live in an age where we now expect everything to be "streamlined" or "instant". In my lifetime so far, I have witnessed all of the incredible technological transformations we have made to even the most simple devices, their functions, and so many elements of our daily lives. There may even come a day when we no longer hear or use the word "patience". For instance, I was recently standing in line (I know. Do you believe it?) waiting to make a purchase when the person ahead of me became annoyed at having to key in a "pin" number after swiping their card. In other words, it seems as if our mindset has evolved from anything that required us to "take our time" has become a "waste of time".
If your written profile narrative, in some form, fits the description I have outlined you should consider a rewrite. While your intent may be to keep some people you would consider undesirable from contacting you, and potentially saving time with less contacts to weed through, there's also an adverse effect. Quite simply, there could be many wonderful "prospects" just passing right by your "security gate" because of how you have worded your profile. Dating sites will allow you to see who has viewed your profile, but it could be the reason they haven't initiated contact and probably won't. You might very well be a terrific partner and make somebody a great companion, but a profile that says, "Do Not Enter" could be keeping the person you are dreaming of from finding out.
For now and the forseeable future the reality is dating sites, and how they function, are going to require you to invest a certain amount of time. There is little or nothing you can say or do with your written profile narrative that will completely "shield" you from unwanted or undesirable contacts (especially if you have attractive pictures). Perhaps one way to save some time is to eliminate responding to anyone that doesn't interest you. It seems that for the most part, this has become an accepted protocol. Should there be any "backlash" from someone by not replying to their interest, you simply ignore it. If they persist, you "block" or "delete" them and can report them to the dating site with a simple "click".
Here are some of my tips for creating an attractive and easy-to-read written profile narrative:
1 - I strongly suggest using a 3-paragraph method. In my book I describe this method and why it works best. The basic idea is to say a lot by using a minimal amount of words. As I already discussed, we live in an age where everything is more streamlined. People want their information delivered quickly and to the point. If your profile is too lengthy you run the risk of having someone "scan" over it or stop reading entirely. Have you ever read someone's profile and found yourself uttering, "Yada, yada, yada"?
2 - Be positive and "welcoming". Your profile narrative is not the place to discuss your aggravation, disappointment, or frustration with online dating sites. You also don't want to make it seem that you are "lowering your standards" or "resorting" to using this process. You may not realize it, nor have it be your intention, but by wording your narrative this way you could be offending or even insulting other users. An online dating profile is all about welcoming interest from prospects. The more positive vibes you put out gives you a much better chance of finding your "dream come true".
3 - Most people take the written word "literally". A tendency for many people, when creating their profile narrative, is to paint a picture of what they want or hope their life will be like with someone new and they will create a type of "wish list". Many "baby-boomer" profiles can read like "bucket lists". While there is nothing wrong with this, per se, you could be creating an image of someone who leads or seeks a "whirlwind" lifestyle that is difficult, if not impossible, to maintain. When people read your profile narrative, chances are they are not going to take the time to "read between the lines". In other words, you could make yourself appear to be someone whose only focus is activities, hobbies, and interests and has no time or availability to cultivate a real relationship.
4 - Before hitting "enter", review, edit, or proofread your profile narrative. Many people have some degree of difficulty translating their thoughts into written words and get frustrated when attempting to create their profile narrative. A simple "trick", if you get stuck, is to step away for a bit, regroup, and organize your thoughts. Even professional writers will occasionally experience this problem. Go get a cup of coffee, take a walk around the block, or come back the next day. You'll be amazed at how it gets easier with a clearer mind and a fresh set of eyes. The most important thing to remember is that you are sending out a message to attract people and your profile is their first impression of you. Will you be someone that welcomes their interest or someone that tries to avoid it?
“I look forward to reading and responding to all of your remarks, comments, and questions. I truly enjoy helping people and hope you will share your experiences. Meeting someone new and dating should be an exhilarating, enjoyable, pleasant experience and a lot of fun!”
Christopher T. Smith is an online dating consultant and the author of Let’s Meet Our Match – Your Complete Guide to Success in the World of Internet Dating. His book shares many of the experiences he has had as an actual user of Internet dating sites. His valuable expertise and advice has helped many people overcome the difficulties of online dating to have a more pleasant, happier, and stress-free experience. To learn more about Christopher and the book, you can visit his website: LetsMeetOurMatch.com
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