On a recent trip to Florida, I was reading the magazine published by the airline I was flying. In it was a full-size, two page advertisement for a company and their website called, “It’s Just Lunch – Dating for Busy Professionals” (IJL). According to the ad they combine the process of signing up for an Internet dating site with a face-to-face interview with all of their clients. The interview serves the dual purpose of getting a feel for your personality and preferences along with learning the specific criteria you have for a “match”. The ad also contained a “Q & A” with someone who is a “dating expert” (i.e. matchmaker). It also provided some statistical data about dating “trends” they say came from a survey of over 5000 single men and women. They have offices in over 150 cities worldwide, have been in business for over 20 years, and claim to have arranged over 2 million first dates. I was intrigued and found this to be an interesting concept that, on the surface, makes a lot of sense for a couple of reasons.For one thing, many people complain that using online dating sites can be very time-consuming. It’s true that using the various search tools that sites provide, looking at pictures, and reading profiles may take a lot of your time. The amount of emailing and instant messaging/texting you like to do, in order to get to know someone before meeting them in person, can also require some amount of time. With IJL’s process you are simply notified they have matched you with someone, based on yours and the other person’s criteria, for a first date.
Many people using Internet dating/social networking websites to meet people can believe they are creating, forming, or already have a relationship with someone when utilizing the Internet or phone before actually meeting in person (what happened to Manti Te’o, the Notre dame football player is a classic example of this). It’s under these circumstances that people who are “catfishing” can take advantage of someone. Since they require all of their clients to come in for a face-to-face interview at some point, IJL just about eliminates suspicion as to whether someone is fake, a scam artist, or not being completely honest on their profile. By signing up with them, at the very least you will be meeting a “real” person.
I found the results of their survey to be “interesting”, as well. The first question they asked was, On a first date, how much time do you need before you decide if you want to see your date again? The highest percentage of their responses (78%) fell within a range of 20 minutes to an hour for them to know if they wanted to have a second date. Most of the people I have met personally through online dating say they know within 5 minutes or less. Which is more important to you on a first date? is the second question they asked. Your answer was to select between ”chemistry” or “compatibility”. Chemistry was chosen by 66% of the respondents, while compatibility was chosen 34% of the time. Based on the people I have met and the numerous profiles I have read, I tend to believe the “chemistry” percentage is actually much higher. If you can’t pass the chemistry test, then most likely you won’t be taking the compatibility test. The third question is, What is the most important component of compatibility on a first date? The responses were: 36% for “easy conversation”, 30% for “shared outlook on life”, 20% for “similar personal styles and habits”, and 14% for “physical comfort with each other”. Again, based on my experiences and meeting people, chemistry or physical attraction rules the day when it comes to that first date. If the chemistry is there, it’s amazing how easy the conversation flows, how much you seem to have in common, and how comfortable you are with someone.
While the happiest, healthiest, and best relationships absolutely have the foundation of compatibility, humans are “hardwired” for instantly determining physical attraction. There has not been a process or method developed that I know of, that can serve as a predictor of chemistry between two people. I’m also curious, and maybe even a bit skeptical, as to how a “dating expert” really functions when it comes to matching you with someone. The big upside to a site like IJL is that their in-person interview process authenticates and verifies each user. If I were to ever create an online dating website, I would want it to have that capability even though it would come at a relatively high cost. My goal would be to make Internet dating much more of a worry-free environment, less stressful, and a pleasant, happy experience.
IJL is considered a premium site and therefore has higher membership fees than most other dating sites much the same way that sushi is considered a delicacy and is therefore more expensive than catfish. If you are considering joining their site, I suggest that you Google them beforehand to learn the details of what the site offers and see what others have to say about their experiences using it.
Some more thoughts I’d like to pass along:
1 – Compatibility is absolutely essential for a happy, healthy long-term relationship. Some dating websites want to entice you with the idea that their “process” is all about matching you with people you are compatible with. They base this on your answers to a variety of questions. But there simply is no way to know in advance if you are truly compatible with someone until you meet each other in person, communicate face-to-face, and then spend quality time together.
2 – Chemistry comes before compatibility. It can be easy to think you are creating a relationship online before you ever meet someone in person. But until you actually sit with someone, and look into each other’s eyes, there is no way to know if there is really a “connection” or if you are taking the first steps toward a long-term and meaningful relationship.
3 – Meeting in person is the only way to know. If you’ve begun communicating with someone via the Internet or phone, try to minimize the amount of time you spend doing it. If you feel an attraction, politely suggest that you’d like to meet in person as soon as possible. Very few quality relationships have ever evolved from long, drawn-out Internet or phone conversations.
"I look forward to reading and responding to all of your remarks, comments, and questions. I truly enjoy helping people and hope you will share your experiences. Meeting someone new and dating should be an exhilarating, enjoyable, pleasant experience and a lot of fun!"
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