"Catfish" Can Also BITE!

So, another week goes by and we have a new "catfish" story. Not only that, it seems each new story that is exposed has an added twist. This one involves a highly educated professor and theoretical particle physicist from the University of North Carolina named Paul Frampton and world famous Czech bikini model Denise Milani.

Denise Milani

The story goes something like this: The recently divorced and lonely Professor Frampton was conned by an impostor into believing he was chatting with Denise Milani, whom he "met" through an online dating site in November, 2011. The impostor apparently convinced the 68-year-old Prof. Frampton that she (Milani) also wanted to quit her glamorous model life and marry him. After repeated attempts to reach her by phone had failed, he was told to fly to Bolivia and meet her during a photo shoot. Of course, when he arrived she was not there. She then contacted him and said she had to leave quickly for another shoot in Brussels and he could just meet her there. And oh, by the way, could he grab a bag that she had left behind and bring it with him which he agreed to do. Pretty simple, right? Except it may have turned out to be the biggest mistake Prof. Frampton has ever made in his life. The bag he was asked to carry along was lined with cocaine. The impostor was simply looking for someone anxious and desperate enough, using Denise Milani as bait, to be a drug "mule". Poor Prof. Frampton was detained and arrested in Buenos Aires. While the court believed he was scammed by someone online, his lawyers could not convince them he was an innocent victim who had been "roped" into drug smuggling (apparently there were some questionable text messages sent by him to the person he believed was Milani). The professor was sentenced to 4 years and 8 months, and will not be released until May, 2014. Sadly, this proves once again that IQ level is not any type of protection against frauds and scams that are aimed at your emotions.

I have to admit that when I see or hear these stories, and the way they grab headlines, I'm somewhat perturbed. Obviously, I'm angry that these scams continue to go on and the perps are rarely, if ever, caught. But, I have a limited amount of sympathy for people like the professor (whose close friend had tried to warn him in advance) or Manti Te'o, the football player. Then there's Angie, the lady who got taken for $187,000 and was shown concrete evidence that she was being scammed when she appeared on the Dr. Phil show and refused to believe it. My reason for feeling this way is simple. These same scams and frauds, with only slight variations, have existed almost from the very beginning of online dating and social networking websites which means there is a ton of history and information available, such as my book, for people to see and use to protect themselves and don't.

Another thing that disturbs me is the way the negative stories of online dating are publicized, sensationalized, and scandalized. And now we have a "Catfish" TV show, to boot. One of my favorite sportswriters once wrote in his column, "...proving once again that bad news will always trump good news". I suppose the same thing could be applied to this topic, as well. But what is almost never written about is the wonderful success stories that have happened because of online dating sites and how many people have gone on to live happily ever after. I can truly say that in my years of utilizing dating sites the number of great people I have met far surpasses the number of not-so-great ones.

Here are some more things to consider to keep those "catfish" from biting you!

1 - Be cautious if there is significant distance between you and the other person.  Because the Internet, for now, allows for almost total anonymity someone can tell you they are from anywhere in the world. There is also little that can be done to authenticate whether someone is real and sincere ahead of meeting them in person (regardless of the "proof" they offer to provide you). I recommend that before you go jetting off to some exotic or romantic location to meet someone that you consider this idea: Suggest they meet you somewhere in the "middle". For example, let's say you live in New York and they claim to be in San Francisco. Set up a firm date and time and tell them, "Ok, I'll meet you under the Arch in St. Louis". The reason is simple. Their desire to meet you should be every bit as strong as your desire to meet them. Plus, your first-time meeting with anyone should always be in a neutral location. The best relationships have at their core the capability of both people to meet each other halfway. What better way to start then, "Meet Me in St. Louis".

2 - Limit the amount of time you spend communicating with someone before meeting in person.  While it can be incredibly exciting to get each new email, text message, or phone call there comes a point in time where arranging to meet in person should become a requirement. If indeed someone is trying to scam you, the longer you draw out those types of communications means the scammer can learn more intimate details about you which they will use to gain more of an advantage. For example, you may reveal a little detail about yourself that, on the surface, seems completely innocent or harmless. It could be something you told them like how much you love seeing palm trees swaying in a tropical breeze. What you will see then is a message that might say, "I was out walking my dog today and I saw some beautiful palm trees and I couldn't help but think of you and how much I wish we were together" (a dead giveaway would be if the person has indicated they are from Alaska. Don't laugh, this has actually happened). Of course, the idea is that your heart will melt and you will become even more taken in and vulnerable.

3 - There are NO circumstances or situations that should require you to do ANYTHING that involves money.  Splitting the check at a restaurant or bar is one thing, but at the exact moment that the person you are communicating with, and haven't met yet, brings up the subject of money in any way, shape, or form you need to hear the fire sirens! This is the absolute, ultimate "red flag" warning sign. Immediately end all contact with this person and do whatever you have to do to "delete" or "block" them from any further correspondence or communications.

"I look forward to reading and responding to all of your remarks, comments, and questions. I truly enjoy helping people and hope you will share your experiences. Meeting someone new and dating should be an exhilarating, enjoyable, pleasant experience and a lot of fun!"

Christopher T. Smith is an online dating consultant and the author of Let's Meet Our Match - Your Complete Guide to Success in the World of Internet Dating. His book shares many of the experiences he has had as an actual user of Internet dating sites. His valuable expertise and advice has helped many people overcome the difficulties of online dating to have a more pleasant, happier, and stress-free experience. To learn more about Christopher and the book, you can visit his website: LetsMeetOurMatch.com