"Niches" Are Getting Nich-ier!

A news item I saw the other day about an Internet dating site got my attention, aroused my curiosity, and got me to thinking about the many "niche" dating sites that are available. It seems there are new sites being created all the time and the niches are getting smaller.

So I watched this 2-3 minute news video about a site called MeetAtTheAirport.com. It gave a short description of the concept behind the site ("Share a drink with an attractive stranger in the totally safe environment of a public airport"), along with a ranking of the 5 best airports in the USA for meeting a date. The airports ranked were #5 - Philadelphia, #4 - Boston, #3 - Newark, #2 - Miami, and #1 - Orlando. The rankings were based on such things as amenities, ambiance, and weather delays (what better way to get to know someone than over a nice drink while waiting out a long delay). This particular site claims to have 60,000 registered users. To give you some idea how small or "niche" that is, the biggest dating sites have registered users that number well into the millions. Here is their link if you are interested or curious as to how this site works:  http://meetattheairport.com/

While I have been utilizing Internet dating sites for several years, personally I have never felt the need to use those that fall into the niche category (sites that focus on a particular segment of your life) and have always used the larger, "general" dating sites. I suppose that's because I have a variety of interests and activities which I don't think are considered different or unusual, nor are they a prerequisite for my next relationship. For example, I grew up in the Philadelphia area and I am a big fan of those sports teams. But it's certainly not a "dealbreaker" if my next partner doesn't share the same passion (well maybe if she roots for the Mets). I like to think I have a compromising or "trade-off" type of personality. For instance, if I can watch a ballgame then I am more than willing and happy to attend things like craft shows, museums, live theatre, hear someone's favorite performer in concert, or whatever. I also think that with the right person it would be fun to create new interests or activities together. My feeling is the activity, belief, or interest is secondary to sharing quality time together. Enjoying each other's company, no matter what you are doing, is a big part of the recipe for compatibility.

I get how someone has parts of their life they want, or even need, their next partner to share with them. Having a similar occupation, religion, or maybe the same interest in something on your "bucket list" are things you may feel are essential for your next relationship. Perhaps if you are a single parent, you'd like to meet someone who is in the same situation. In reading so many profiles I have discovered that "baby-boomers" are more specific about lifestyle, activities, interests, and what they desire as they move into the retirement phase of their lives. It would seem they are winding down from all of the hard work and daily grind. And with their priorities changing, they are focusing on activities, interests, type of social life they hope to enjoy, and of course romance as they look forward. For those people a niche dating site would certainly be worth considering. Beginning a new relationship with having something so much in common can be a great way to get started.

There is a wide variety of niche dating sites and their number continues to increase. We are pretty much at the point where you can do a "Google" search like "(fill in the blank) dating" and find exactly what you're looking for or something close to it. If not, just be patient, one will be coming online soon enough!

Here is a small sample list of what's available to give you some idea:

1 - A ranking/rating website for "Niche" dating sites may be a good place to start.  NicheDating.org is an "index" type of website dedicated to listing, describing, and reviewing the multitude of niche dating sites that are available. They offer a wide variety of categories for you to browse, along with comments and remarks. It's a well-designed site with easy navigation. Here is their link:  http://www.nichedating.org/

2 - Are you a lover of all things "Horses"?  A site called EquestrianCupid.com is dedicated to folks whose lives revolve around horses and may be just what you are looking for. It offers all of the essential services you would want from a dating site but is a bit "pricey" for membership. Here is their link:  http://www.equestriancupid.com/

3 - Do you think of yourself as being a "Geek"?  A site called "Geek 2 Geek" may fit your needs. It was also voted "Best Niche Dating Site for 2012" by About.com.  Here is their link:  http://www.gk2gk.com/

4 - Is a "Vegan" lifestyle important to you?  There are a few websites dedicated to the vegetarian way of life. VeggieDate.org is one of them. This site was a finalist for "Best Niche Dating Site for 2013" by iDateAwards.com. Here is their link:  http://www.veggiedate.org/

5 - Are you more of a "Homebody" than anything else?  There is a site called Kwink.com that is a type of "umbrella" site that lists a large variety of niches for you to browse. Their definition of "kwink" is: "A kwink is a trait that best defines you. It may be a passion, lifestyle, deviation, or affliction". The link for the homepage is:  http://www.kwink.com/. For anything specific you can do a "search" on their site. For example, if you are indeed a "Homebody", here's the link for that:  http://www.kwink.com/dating-community/homebody

This is just a tiny sample of what is available in the "niche" dating world. To find whatever it is you would be looking for is easily searched and found. You may want to keep in mind though, that with niche dating sites you will have a significantly smaller number of potential "prospects". The trade-off is that the people you do find will share the same passion, interest, and enthusiasm in something as you.

Have you considered trying a niche dating site? Are you already a member of one?

"I look forward to reading and responding to all of your remarks, comments, and questions. I truly enjoy helping people and hope you will share your experiences. Meeting someone new and dating should be an exhilarating, enjoyable, pleasant experience and a lot of fun!"

Christopher T. Smith is an online dating consultant and the author of Let's Meet Our Match - Your Complete Guide to Success in the World of Internet Dating. His book shares many of the experiences he has had as an actual user of Internet dating sites. His valuable expertise and advice has helped many people overcome the difficulties of online dating to have a more pleasant, happier, and stress-free experience. To learn more about Christopher and the book, you can visit his website: LetsMeetOurMatch.com

"Catfish" Can Also BITE!

So, another week goes by and we have a new "catfish" story. Not only that, it seems each new story that is exposed has an added twist. This one involves a highly educated professor and theoretical particle physicist from the University of North Carolina named Paul Frampton and world famous Czech bikini model Denise Milani.

Denise Milani

The story goes something like this: The recently divorced and lonely Professor Frampton was conned by an impostor into believing he was chatting with Denise Milani, whom he "met" through an online dating site in November, 2011. The impostor apparently convinced the 68-year-old Prof. Frampton that she (Milani) also wanted to quit her glamorous model life and marry him. After repeated attempts to reach her by phone had failed, he was told to fly to Bolivia and meet her during a photo shoot. Of course, when he arrived she was not there. She then contacted him and said she had to leave quickly for another shoot in Brussels and he could just meet her there. And oh, by the way, could he grab a bag that she had left behind and bring it with him which he agreed to do. Pretty simple, right? Except it may have turned out to be the biggest mistake Prof. Frampton has ever made in his life. The bag he was asked to carry along was lined with cocaine. The impostor was simply looking for someone anxious and desperate enough, using Denise Milani as bait, to be a drug "mule". Poor Prof. Frampton was detained and arrested in Buenos Aires. While the court believed he was scammed by someone online, his lawyers could not convince them he was an innocent victim who had been "roped" into drug smuggling (apparently there were some questionable text messages sent by him to the person he believed was Milani). The professor was sentenced to 4 years and 8 months, and will not be released until May, 2014. Sadly, this proves once again that IQ level is not any type of protection against frauds and scams that are aimed at your emotions.

I have to admit that when I see or hear these stories, and the way they grab headlines, I'm somewhat perturbed. Obviously, I'm angry that these scams continue to go on and the perps are rarely, if ever, caught. But, I have a limited amount of sympathy for people like the professor (whose close friend had tried to warn him in advance) or Manti Te'o, the football player. Then there's Angie, the lady who got taken for $187,000 and was shown concrete evidence that she was being scammed when she appeared on the Dr. Phil show and refused to believe it. My reason for feeling this way is simple. These same scams and frauds, with only slight variations, have existed almost from the very beginning of online dating and social networking websites which means there is a ton of history and information available, such as my book, for people to see and use to protect themselves and don't.

Another thing that disturbs me is the way the negative stories of online dating are publicized, sensationalized, and scandalized. And now we have a "Catfish" TV show, to boot. One of my favorite sportswriters once wrote in his column, "...proving once again that bad news will always trump good news". I suppose the same thing could be applied to this topic, as well. But what is almost never written about is the wonderful success stories that have happened because of online dating sites and how many people have gone on to live happily ever after. I can truly say that in my years of utilizing dating sites the number of great people I have met far surpasses the number of not-so-great ones.

Here are some more things to consider to keep those "catfish" from biting you!

1 - Be cautious if there is significant distance between you and the other person.  Because the Internet, for now, allows for almost total anonymity someone can tell you they are from anywhere in the world. There is also little that can be done to authenticate whether someone is real and sincere ahead of meeting them in person (regardless of the "proof" they offer to provide you). I recommend that before you go jetting off to some exotic or romantic location to meet someone that you consider this idea: Suggest they meet you somewhere in the "middle". For example, let's say you live in New York and they claim to be in San Francisco. Set up a firm date and time and tell them, "Ok, I'll meet you under the Arch in St. Louis". The reason is simple. Their desire to meet you should be every bit as strong as your desire to meet them. Plus, your first-time meeting with anyone should always be in a neutral location. The best relationships have at their core the capability of both people to meet each other halfway. What better way to start then, "Meet Me in St. Louis".

2 - Limit the amount of time you spend communicating with someone before meeting in person.  While it can be incredibly exciting to get each new email, text message, or phone call there comes a point in time where arranging to meet in person should become a requirement. If indeed someone is trying to scam you, the longer you draw out those types of communications means the scammer can learn more intimate details about you which they will use to gain more of an advantage. For example, you may reveal a little detail about yourself that, on the surface, seems completely innocent or harmless. It could be something you told them like how much you love seeing palm trees swaying in a tropical breeze. What you will see then is a message that might say, "I was out walking my dog today and I saw some beautiful palm trees and I couldn't help but think of you and how much I wish we were together" (a dead giveaway would be if the person has indicated they are from Alaska. Don't laugh, this has actually happened). Of course, the idea is that your heart will melt and you will become even more taken in and vulnerable.

3 - There are NO circumstances or situations that should require you to do ANYTHING that involves money.  Splitting the check at a restaurant or bar is one thing, but at the exact moment that the person you are communicating with, and haven't met yet, brings up the subject of money in any way, shape, or form you need to hear the fire sirens! This is the absolute, ultimate "red flag" warning sign. Immediately end all contact with this person and do whatever you have to do to "delete" or "block" them from any further correspondence or communications.

"I look forward to reading and responding to all of your remarks, comments, and questions. I truly enjoy helping people and hope you will share your experiences. Meeting someone new and dating should be an exhilarating, enjoyable, pleasant experience and a lot of fun!"

Christopher T. Smith is an online dating consultant and the author of Let's Meet Our Match - Your Complete Guide to Success in the World of Internet Dating. His book shares many of the experiences he has had as an actual user of Internet dating sites. His valuable expertise and advice has helped many people overcome the difficulties of online dating to have a more pleasant, happier, and stress-free experience. To learn more about Christopher and the book, you can visit his website: LetsMeetOurMatch.com

Sushi Is Better Than "Catfish"

On a recent trip to Florida, I was reading the magazine published by the airline I was flying. In it was a full-size, two page advertisement for a company and their website called, “It’s Just Lunch – Dating for Busy Professionals” (IJL). According to the ad they combine the process of signing up for an Internet dating site with a face-to-face interview with all of their clients. The interview serves the dual purpose of getting a feel for your personality and preferences along with learning the specific criteria you have for a “match”. The ad also contained a “Q & A” with someone who is a “dating expert” (i.e. matchmaker). It also provided some statistical data about dating “trends” they say came from a survey of over 5000 single men and women. They have offices in over 150 cities worldwide, have been in business for over 20 years, and claim to have arranged over 2 million first dates. I was intrigued and found this to be an interesting concept that, on the surface, makes a lot of sense for a couple of reasons.

For one thing, many people complain that using online dating sites can be very time-consuming. It’s true that using the various search tools that sites provide, looking at pictures, and reading profiles may take a lot of your time. The amount of emailing and instant messaging/texting you like to do, in order to get to know someone before meeting them in person, can also require some amount of time. With IJL’s process you are simply notified they have matched you with someone, based on yours and the other person’s criteria, for a first date.

Many people using Internet dating/social networking websites to meet people can believe they are creating, forming, or already have a relationship with someone when utilizing the Internet or phone before actually meeting in person (what happened to Manti Te’o, the Notre dame football player is a classic example of this). It’s under these circumstances that people who are “catfishing” can take advantage of someone. Since they require all of their clients to come in for a face-to-face interview at some point, IJL just about eliminates suspicion as to whether someone is fake, a scam artist, or not being completely honest on their profile. By signing up with them, at the very least you will be meeting a “real” person.

I found the results of their survey to be “interesting”, as well. The first question they asked was, On a first date, how much time do you need before you decide if you want to see your date again? The highest percentage of their responses (78%) fell within a range of 20 minutes to an hour for them to know if they wanted to have a second date. Most of the people I have met personally through online dating say they know within 5 minutes or less. Which is more important to you on a first date? is the second question they asked. Your answer was to select between ”chemistry” or “compatibility”. Chemistry was chosen by 66% of the respondents, while compatibility was chosen 34% of the time. Based on the people I have met and the numerous profiles I have read, I tend to believe the “chemistry” percentage is actually much higher. If you can’t pass the chemistry test, then most likely you won’t be taking the compatibility test. The third question is, What is the most important component of compatibility on a first date? The responses were: 36% for “easy conversation”, 30% for “shared outlook on life”, 20% for “similar personal styles and habits”, and 14% for “physical comfort with each other”. Again, based on my experiences and meeting people, chemistry or physical attraction rules the day when it comes to that first date. If the chemistry is there, it’s amazing how easy the conversation flows, how much you seem to have in common, and how comfortable you are with someone.

While the happiest, healthiest, and best relationships absolutely have the foundation of compatibility, humans are “hardwired” for instantly determining physical attraction. There has not been a process or method developed that I know of, that can serve as a predictor of chemistry between two people. I’m also curious, and maybe even a bit skeptical, as to how a “dating expert” really functions when it comes to matching you with someone. The big upside to a site like IJL is that their in-person interview process authenticates and verifies each user. If I were to ever create an online dating website, I would want it to have that capability even though it would come at a relatively high cost. My goal would be to make Internet dating much more of a worry-free environment, less stressful, and a pleasant, happy experience.

IJL is considered a premium site and therefore has higher membership fees than most other dating sites much the same way that sushi is considered a delicacy and is therefore more expensive than catfish. If you are considering joining their site, I suggest that you Google them beforehand to learn the details of what the site offers and see what others have to say about their experiences using it.

Some more thoughts I’d like to pass along:

1 – Compatibility is absolutely essential for a happy, healthy long-term relationship. Some dating websites want to entice you with the idea that their “process” is all about matching you with people you are compatible with. They base this on your answers to a variety of questions. But there simply is no way to know in advance if you are truly compatible with someone until you meet each other in person, communicate face-to-face, and then spend quality time together.

2 – Chemistry comes before compatibility. It can be easy to think you are creating a relationship online before you ever meet someone in person. But until you actually sit with someone, and look into each other’s eyes, there is no way to know if there is really a “connection” or if you are taking the first steps toward a long-term and meaningful relationship.

3 – Meeting in person is the only way to know. If you’ve begun communicating with someone via the Internet or phone, try to minimize the amount of time you spend doing it. If you feel an attraction, politely suggest that you’d like to meet in person as soon as possible. Very few quality relationships have ever evolved from long, drawn-out Internet or phone conversations.

"I look forward to reading and responding to all of your remarks, comments, and questions. I truly enjoy helping people and hope you will share your experiences. Meeting someone new and dating should be an exhilarating, enjoyable, pleasant experience and a lot of fun!"

Christopher T. Smith is an online dating consultant and the author of Let's Meet Our Match - Your Complete Guide to Success in the World of Internet Dating. His book shares many of the experiences he has had as an actual user of Internet dating sites. His valuable expertise and advice has helped many people overcome the difficulties of online dating to have a more pleasant, happier, and stress-free experience. To learn more about Christopher and the book, you can visit his website: LetsMeetOurMatch.com