Have you watched the new MTV reality show Catfish yet? It debuted on November 12, 2012 and has become very popular. If you have not seen or heard about it the basic premise of the show is arranging for people to finally meet one another face-to-face, who up until that very moment, have only known each other through the use of online dating/social networking websites and/or telephone, and believe they have a "relationship". The show then let's the viewer see the immediate reaction of the two people meeting for the very first time and the results. The end of the show follows up on the people, the decisions both have made, and how they will move forward based on their meeting. Each episode has it's own unique conclusions.The title for the show comes from the term "catfish" (which are "bottom feeders") and has become a part of the online dating lexicon. It means someone who creates a fake profile/identity online and pretends to be someone they are not. They almost always use someone else's pictures and the rest of their profile might also belong to someone else or they simply invent one. For the person who is using an "alter ego" they are said to be "catfishing". When the victim discovers the other person is a fake, they are said to have been "catfished". While the TV show has only been on for about four months now, and new episodes will be filmed this coming year, catfishing is something that has been going on since the inception of online dating and social networking websites. The Internet and computer allow for a certain level of anonymity and the catfishing people know that identity verification is next to impossible.
I readily admit to being a catfish victim more than once when I first began utilizing dating sites to meet people. I admit to being somewhat gullible, naive, and vulnerable back then, too. For example, I had this foolish notion that everyone that used dating sites would abide by some kind of "honor code". I was lucky in the sense that none of the people ever extorted money from me. Back in 2003, I was crazy about one girl I only "knew" through pictures, computer, and lots of phone time. I was completely "taken" with her and desperately wanted us to meet in person. We arranged three separate dates to meet and she stood me up all three times. Her tales of woe were similar to what many of the catfish people use even now and I had completely bought into it right up to my neck. I even went as far as to offer her money just so we could meet. For reasons I've never fully understood, or what her motivations were, she refused my offers and we never did meet. She eventually just vanished and I was heartbroken. But I certainly became more aware and along with my other experiences, gained valuable insight. I have certainly learned not to fall off any cliffs until I meet someone in person.
Another lady I did meet, and we became friends, tried to create her own method of identity verification. Her idea was to have any guy that contacted her turn on their webcam right from the get-go. If she was told, "I don't have one", "It's not working", or "I don't have it hooked up" her response to that was, "Until you do and I can see who you are don't bother me anymore". With many of the laptops and devices we have today, webcam functionality is built into them. While this isn't exactly the "be-all, end-all" as far as online dating protection and security goes, perhaps it's a step worth considering before you go over the top or find yourself ready to leap off the edge of that cliff. Maybe this step might have prevented Manti Te'o (the Notre Dame football player), from being catfished by a man posing as a woman and making national headlines. Or maybe Dr. Phil would not have had a two-part show interviewing the man who was pulling off the hoax.
While using online dating sites can present a unique set of challenges, it is absolutely possible to meet the person of your dreams and be everything you have always hoped. There are millions of people who use the sites every day who are real, honest, and sincere. Yes, the bottom-feeding "catfish" people are lurking out there somewhere in the cyberworld, and for now you need to be on your toes and alert for that. Unless you want your 15 minutes of fame to be the star of an episode of Catfish, heed the warning signs or "red flags". They really aren't that difficult to detect if you know what to look for and don't allow your emotions to overwhelm you.
Here are some of the easy things to consider:
1 - The distance between you and the other person. Whether they claim to be an American citizen "stuck" in a foreign country or simply located where you need to get on a plane in order to meet in person, be wary. Using the cover of distance (whether real or made up) is one way they can prolong the "relationship" on the computer or phone and maintain their "secret identity". The reason is they know you can't be spontaneous and just drop by or invite them for a "spur of the moment" meeting at your favorite little pub on the way home from work for Happy Hour.
2 - Try the webcam "trick". It's an easy one to do and webcams are much more readily available and easily used nowadays. Insist that they appear right at that moment or not contact you again. If they are reluctant to do this, won't cooperate, or give you nothing but excuses you should start being cautious and thinking "red flag". Of course, this doesn't mean they can't grab their sister, brother, or whatever to pose as them, but you might find out quickly enough everything you need to know for avoiding big problems down the road.
3 - Stay cool under pressure. The catfish people know all of the buttons to push and will try right away to figure out which ones are yours. Once they believe they have them figured out they will continually emphasize or revert to those things during your conversations. The most important thing to do is maintain your cool and let your ability to think things through clearly take over. Some things really are just too good to be true.
"I look forward to reading and responding to all of your remarks, comments, and questions. I truly enjoy helping people and hope you will share your experiences. Meeting someone new and dating should be an exhilarating, enjoyable, pleasant experience and a lot of fun!"
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