One of the largest online dating sites, PlentyofFish.com (aka pof.com), recently sent out an email from the founder of POF, Markus Frind, to all of it's members that stated certain types of contact/communication/behavior is no longer going to be acceptable on their website. Here are the key points of that email:"Today about 70% of POF use is via a mobile phone and unfortunately about 2% of men started to use POF as more of a hookup site mostly due to the casual nature of cell phone use. In sticking with my vision that POF is all about Relationships, I'm going to make a bunch of changes to ensure it stays a relationship-focused site.
1. Any first contact between users that contains sexual references will not be sent. Anyone who tries to get around this rule will be deleted without warning. This rule has actually been in effect since last month and it's made the site so much better.
2. You can only contact people +/- 14 years of your age. There is no reason for a 50 year old man to contact a 18 year old women. The majority of messages sent outside those age ranges are all about hookups. Anyone who tries to get around this rule will get deleted.
3. Intimate Encounters will go away in the next few months. There are 3.3 Million people who use the site every day, of those there are only 6,041 single women looking for Intimate Encounters. Of those 6,041 women, the ones with hot pictures are mostly men pretending to be women. Intimate Encounters on POF can be summed up as a bunch of horny men talking to a bunch of horny men pretending to be women.
In short, the vast majority of people will not be impacted. This is because the vast majority of people are not going around spamming women saying "let's have sex tonight". I can't change POF alone, I need your help to get the word out there that POF is all about relationships!"
Markus
To the best of my knowledge, this is an unprecedented move in the online dating "business" community and this email is certainly blunt and to the point. Ordinarily, the LAST thing a dating site wants to do is delete any of it's users. Of course, this may actually attract more users, by knowing these guidelines are in place.
I am certainly glad to see someone in Markus' position finally step forward to address what has long been a serious issue for many people utilizing online dating sites to find a happy and healthy long-term relationship. Using the threat of being "deleted" will no doubt get everyone's attention. While my personal preference is to someday find a wonderful lady close to my own age, I don't necessarily agree with the creation of an age gap limit. Since the site already monitors messages that users send to each other, why have an age range limit as long as the people doing the communicating are agreeable, cordial, treating one another with dignity and respect, and no one is complaining? By the same token, there are dating websites specifically designed for matching people with significant differences in age should that be your desire.
Consider these tips when you decide to begin communicating with someone:
1 - Be cordial, polite, and respectful. This is where you are going to be making one of your two "first impressions" (the second will be when you actually meet each other in person). If you don't make a good first one, you probably won't get a chance at the second one.
2 - Save the off-color remarks and sexual innuendo until much later. It's understood that your initial contact to someone is partially because of physical attraction to their pictures. But don't allow those raging hormones to overwhelm you and make comments that you could end up regretting. If you are truly at the beginning stages of a real relationship, you will have plenty of time for those discussions on a mature level.
3 - Don't be someone that permits that kind of initial contact. If you are someone who is uncomfortable with that type of communication initially, then make your feelings known or simply ignore those who approach you in that manner. While it is not discussed often enough, a big part of this problem is the number of people who allow and even entertain communication of a sexual nature through dating sites that focus on creating meaningful relationships.
4 - Sign up for dating sites that are more in tune with your real needs. If you are not seeking a long-term, happy, and healthy relationship and your needs fall into more of an "other" category, than choose dating sites that are focused on that. There are many sites already in existence and new sites being developed constantly that are becoming more specialized and cater to someone's specific needs or desires.
What are your suggestions for having a more pleasant online dating experience?
“I look forward to reading and responding to all of your remarks, comments, and questions. I truly enjoy helping people and hope you will share your experiences. Meeting someone new and dating should be an exhilarating, enjoyable, pleasant experience and a lot of fun!”
Christopher T. Smith is an online dating consultant and the author of Let’s Meet Our Match – Your Complete Guide to Success in the World of Internet Dating. His book shares many of the experiences he has had as an actual user of Internet dating sites. His valuable expertise and advice has helped many people overcome the difficulties of online dating to have a more pleasant, happier, and stress-free experience. To learn more about Christopher and the book, you can visit his website: LetsMeetOurMatch.com
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