I recently came across a dating advice column written by a lady named Erika Ettin. She is the founder of "A Little Nudge", and she listed several things you want to avoid doing on a first date (you may want to avoid several of these things on ANY date, regardless of the ”number”). Many of these “tips” don’t need a lot of explanation and are really just common sense. It’s also worth remembering that old cliche: "You only get one chance to make a first impression".
Here is the list (Erika’s remarks appear in italic) with some of my personal thoughts added:
1 – Having your phone out or texting. “It doesn’t get worse than this. Nothing screams “I’m waiting for something better to come up” than a cell phone on the table waiting to be answered. A corollary to this one is actually answering your phone on the date. Try (as hard as it may be) to put your phone in your bag or your pocket for the entirety of the date”. It’s almost become “standard procedure” to have an “emergency” or “bail-out” call set up ahead of time, but once you are comfortable and feel safe, put the phone away and show the other person the courtesy of your undivided attention.
2 – First date sex. “For men, it makes you look like you only want one thing (and maybe you do). For women, it makes you look easy”. While either or both of you may have those thoughts running wild in your brain, give those hormones a rest. It’s assumed that one reason you are meeting this person is because there is some level of sexual attraction. Showing respect to the other person means a great deal.
3 – Talking about your ex. “If you say nice things about your ex, it looks like you’re still not over him/her. And if you say bad things, it looks like you’re still not over him/her and you’re bitter. Lose, lose. Plus, people don’t want to feel like they are being compared to someone else on the first date (or ever, for that matter)”.
4 – Being late (more than 15 minutes). “People run late – it happens. But if it does, please call to let your date know before the start of the date. Texting is insufficient”. This is nothing more than common courtesy.
5 – Being rude (to a server). “No snapping your fingers, no yelling for the waiter or waitress, and no treating the servers like second-class citizens. Red flag!” How we interact with other people says a lot about who we are and goes a long way toward the type of impression we are making.
6 – Drinking too much. “People have a tendency to divulge secrets or commit dating no-no #2 (or likely both) when too much alcohol is involved. Don’t let it be you”. It could also result in you committing a lot of other dating “no-nos” and look bad doing it.
7 – Splitting the bill or letting the woman pay. “You remember the game of “pick-up check.” The guy should pay on a first date. Whether you like each other or not, it’s still a date after all, and chivalry is not dead”. Personally, I always offer to grab the check first, but I have been on dates where the lady was adamant and insisted on splitting the bill. It’s also not necessary nor worth it to make a big scene about who pays.
8 – Work talk. “It’s certainly ok to discuss work, but not for the entire date, especially if you don’t like your job”.
9 – Mother talk. “Leave your mom out of the date. Especially for men, it may make you look like a bit of a mama’s boy”. This will also depend on how you feel about your mother. It could come out worse if you start bad-mouthing her. The same could be said for “Father talk”. You don’t want to make a guy feel like he has to compete for “pedestal” space.
10 – Talking about marriage. “Great – you like each other! The last thing you want to do is to bring up marriage and scare the other person away. (The same goes for talking about, or naming, your future children)”. If you are seeking a long-term relationship, it’s ok to broach the subject to see how the other person reacts, but let it go until a much later time after that.
Here are some other things to be aware of that are mostly self-explanatory: Bad breath, Lousy tipping, Talking too much about yourself, Being “fake” or not being yourself, Smoking (if its not known beforehand).
Is there anything you would add to this list?
To learn more about Erika Ettin and A Little Nudge, you can visit her website: http://www.alittlenudge.com/
"I look forward to reading and responding to all of your remarks, comments, and questions. I truly enjoy helping people and hope you will share your experiences. Meeting someone new and dating should be an exhilarating, enjoyable, pleasant experience and a lot of fun!"
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